


gaze upon this wretched thing

by kitaakes



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, No beta we die like goro akechi, Post-Canon, This got away from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27377944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitaakes/pseuds/kitaakes
Summary: It had taken Goro so long to work up the courage to finally pursue a relationship with Yusuke. Countless meetings with his therapist, the encouragement of his friends, and his own self reflection had brought him to this moment. He had realized, over time, that there was a place in his heart that allowed him to experience love, and Yusuke had made his way inside and stayed there. To say that he was enamoured with him would be an understatement, though he didn’t express it often.However, all of that goes out the window when the two of them get off the train and arrive at the exhibition that Yusuke has been all too eager to attend.“Fucking Damien Hirst?”-Written, nominally, for Akekita week 2020.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kitagawa Yusuke
Comments: 12
Kudos: 24





	gaze upon this wretched thing

It had taken Goro so long to work up the courage to finally pursue a relationship with Yusuke. Countless meetings with his therapist, the encouragement of his friends, and his own self reflection had brought him to this moment. He had realized, over time, that there was a place in his heart that allowed him to experience love, and Yusuke had made his way inside and stayed there. To say that he was enamoured with him would be an understatement, though he didn’t express it often.

However, all of that goes out the window when the two of them get off the train and arrive at the exhibition that Yusuke has been all too eager to attend. 

“Fucking _Damien Hirst?_ ” It takes all of Goro’s effort not to spit the words out at Yusuke, restricting himself to a low hiss instead. 

Yusuke responds in an even keeled tone. “I find his work quite expressive, actually.”

An all consuming-rage starts to boil low in the pit of his stomach as the two of them walk in together, arm in arm. Usually, Yusuke’s presence is enough to comfort him and make him feel stil in spite of his own anger. Today, it only amplifies it. 

The entrance hall is rather bare. There’s no food to speak of (which Yusuke would never notice, but Goro desperately needs to alleviate his mental anguish). Everyone in attendance would be perfectly suited to filling in as a stunt double in Shido’s palace. He can hear snippets of their conversations as they pass by him on their way to the art - _Do you think Hirst’s next work will sell well at Sotheby’s? Is he going to exhibit any work at the next Biennial?_

The whole affair makes Goro want to core his eyes out with a spoon.

Eventually, the two of them arrive at the first piece of many. It’s divided into two glass cases, each of them containing schools of fish, and each fish being given a separate brick to occupy. One case seems to be chasing the over, caught in a perpetual pursuit that will never culminate. There’s a plaque near the bottom: _Because I Can’t Have You, I Want You, 1993._

_Very funny,_ Goro thinks. _I thought we’d killed God twice, but it seems he’s still playing jokes on me._

Yusuke’s voice is low and serene when he whispers into Goro’s ear. “I’d love to know your opinion on this one.”

“It’s pointless drivel. There is no meaning, and therefore no opinion I can possibly have. Yourself?”

  
  
“I think his work speaks to a part of me that I don’t quite understand.”

“I don’t think I understand it either, Yusuke.”

“I had rather expected you to discern something from it.”

  
  
“I would rather not.” Goro can feel his blood pressure rising as he speaks, his eyes boring into the fish in the middle of the second case in order to avoid Yusuke’s gaze. He’s caught in a contest with an unblinking piscine stare. He hates it. He can almost hear his therapist calling her husband afterwards - _Oh, you know that fancy school we wanted to send our son to? Oh, we can afford it now!_

Yusuke lightly tugs on his sleeve, breaking his focus and pulling him out of his miniature spiral. “I thought that we might want to continue to another piece.” 

It’s one of those moments that reminds Goro why he’s so desperately in love with him. Yusuke can notice the slightest things and adjust accordingly. He’s observant in a way that nobody had ever bothered to be with him before. He-

His thoughts are quickly interrupted when he’s greeted with the sight of another fucking Damien Hirst “sculpture”. This time, it’s _Two Similar Swimming Forms in Endless Motion (Broken), 1993 -_ it consists of a circular rail, raised off the ground; there’s a preserved shark sitting on one end of the rail and another having fallen through the gap in it. 

Whereas he at least understood part of the intent of the last piece, this one leaves him utterly confused. He has so many questions. _What was the point of cutting out just one segment of the railing? Why sharks? What kind of drugs was Damien Hirst on in 1993?_

He remembers a quote from a Hirst interview that he had been forced to read in school: _“I always feel like the art's there and I just see it, so it's not really a lot of work.”_

It makes him upset for two separate reasons. One: He sees how hard Yusuke works on his art, and he feels unnecessarily and posessively defensive of Yusuke in almost all things. Two: It sounds like words that come from the mouth of someone privileged, someone who happened to “stumble into” art instead of using it to survive. 

Then again, Hirst had also said things like “ _You get older and suddenly you have a history. It's fixed. You can't change anything. I find that a bit disturbing, to be honest.”_ So, perhaps he had been onto something there. 

The idea that he could be in any way similar to Damien fucking Hirst disturbs him beyond belief, though, so it’s onto the next piece to avoid the throught. 

Before that, however, Goro feels a buzzing from his phone, and thrusts his hand into his pocket and fishes it out to answer. 

Ah. Of course. 

**_Ann:_ ** _Hi Goro! Enjoying your date? :)_

**_Goro:_ ** _Please get me the fuck out of here._

**Ann:** _Nope! You worked for this and now you get to enjoy it. Have fun!_

**_Goro:_ ** _Please. Ann._

**_Goro:_ ** _Ann._

_(Your message cannot be sent. Try again?)_

“Are you distracted, Goro?” Goro’s eyes snap back up to Yusuke, who asks the question with no malice. And thus, he is forced to continue on his emotional journey through the collected works of the most pretentious asshole he has never met. They pass through a few more rooms uneventfully, preferring to keep one another company silently. 

Eventually, something catches Yusuke’s eye, and he directs Goro to walk over to it with him. This piece ( _Togetherness, 2008_ ) is at least more recent than some of the other ones. Four cow skulls, suspended in acrylic, balance an inflated beach ball on their noses perfectly. 

“Do you have any thoughts on this?” It astounds Goro that despite his obvious disdain for the subject, Yusuke continues to ask for his opinion. 

At least he has an opinion this time, even if it’s not one he would voice otherwise.

“It reminds me of the thieves.” He tries not to let the melancholy in his thoughts leak into his tone, but it escapes anyway. 

“You say that as if you’re not one of us.” Yusuke’s neutral expression quirks just slightly into a frown, and his eyebrows knit together. 

“I never felt quite comfortable claiming the title. I did try and kill your leader, after all. Oh, and I was assigned to take care of the rest of you shortly after.” Goro scoffs, but his thumb rubs nervously at the hem of his shirt. 

“Considering how much you’ve sacrificed on our behalf, I believe you earned the title a long time ago. I do not think I only speak for myself when I say this.” Yusuke’s eyes flick down to his hand. He’s recently come to take comfort in how Yusuke reads him so easily. 

“Let’s move on. I would hate to ruin our evening pondering my relationship with anyone who isn’t you.” Yusuke nods, and the two of them move into the following room. This one is full of insipid personal projects that make Goro’s blood pressure rise instantly; once Goro has had his fill of color commentary, both of them pass through quickly to the next.

This room is devoted to one sole piece: Hirst’s magnum opus, _The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living, 1991._

_This_ is where Goro becomes convinced that Hirst has no idea what he’s doing, simply because there is, in fact, a possibility of death in the mind of someone living. He’s doled it out himself - he distinctly remembers when he cocked the gun to Okumura’s head and left his cognition to bleed out on the floor of the spaceport, which is something Damien fucking Hirst has never had the balls to do nor means to accomplish. 

And even if that weren’t the kind of death Hirst was referencing, he has another death in the mind of someone living to reference - his own, at the hands of Shido’s cognition. He didn’t come back from the dead (twice) for someone who had no idea what the Metaverse was to tell him that he must be making it up. Was Hirst even aware of the advent of cognitive psience? 

“Sharks cannot breathe if they’re not swimming.” Yusuke’s thoughts are far more cryptic than his own.

Goro nods, because… well, it’s a fact. There’s nothing he can say to oppose it.

Yusuke continues. “The title intrigues me as well.”

“We both know it’s not true.” Again, Goro has to stop himself from sounding bitter. 

“Is that not the most interesting aspect of it?” Is he imagining it, or is that the ghost of a wry smile on Yusuke’s face? He’ll never understand him, but perhaps that’s exactly what makes him so appealing to Goro. 

“You’re a curious person.” 

“There are worse things one could be than curious.”

“I don’t mind your curiosity. Actually, I prefer it.” It’s odd, how easily he admits that, but not unwelcome. A blush colors Yusuke’s cheeks when he processes the words. 

The rest of the evening, for the most part, passes without event. Yusuke, at some point, curls his hand and entwines his fingers with Goro’s. Goro doesn’t feel the need to let go, even though it makes his heart pound unusually fast. He finds that his rage has subsided and given way to something resembling casual interest; Yusuke tends to have that effect on him. 

They’re walking out of the exhibit when Goro, out of the corner of his eye, notices he’s missed something. 

“Wait.”

The piece is titled _Mother and Child (Divided), 1993_. It consists of two bisected animals: a mother cow and her calf, both preserved and suspended in the same sickly blue formaldehyde as everything else. 

It seems they’ve finally arrived at a piece they both understand. That’s enough to make Goro turn inward, preferring silence to voicing any kind of thought that would make him feel too vulnerable. His hand, still in Yusuke’s, grips just a little tighter. He’s never had someone to hold like a lifeline, but he’s settling into the idea of it quite comfortably. 

Five minutes of extended staring later, they continue towards the exit, but there’s one more work to greet them on the way out: _He Tried to Internalise Everything, 1992._ One more thing Damien Hirst doesn’t know about him? Therapy works wonders for your mental health. Now, Goro only internalizes _most_ things. It’s slow progress, but progress nonetheless. 

When they reach the open air again, leaving the museum behind, Yusuke turns to speak to him. 

“I apologize for, ah, taking you somewhere that wasn’t to your preference.”

“If I’m being honest, I still despise Hirst and everything he stands for. However, I did find myself… somewhat enlightened by the experience.”

Yusuke’s eyes widen just slightly. “Still, I-”

Goro cuts him off before he can speak any further. “What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t feel the need to apologize.” Just as Goro needs to remind himself to be less selfish, he tries to remind Yusuke to be _more_.

“I will try and remember that for the next time we meet.” He pauses. “If there is a next time, that is. I don’t mean to presume, but…” Goro silently makes a note of the hope in his voice, and puts it away for the next time he needs a reminder that he is appreciated and cared for, among other things.

At this point, Goro notices that they’ve been edging slightly closer to one another, Yusuke just slightly above him. He tips his own head up just as Yusuke angles his down. When he speaks, his tone is soft, but still insistent. “Do you think I would have tolerated something so vapid for someone I didn’t care for far more than I have any right to?” 

This is the catalyst for Yusuke to finally press his lips against Goro’s; it’s clumsy and inexperienced, but Goro could frankly care less. They both pull away quickly, but the impression remains. It’s more meaningful than any piece Goro has seen tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> This is [Shulk's](https://twitter.com/sylvainvestra) fault. Feel free to visit me on twitter at [@kitaakes](https://twitter.com/kitaakes)!


End file.
